2013 Resolutions

I'm not much of a New Year "resolution" person, but figured it would be better for me to get it out in the universe and possibly in front on my face so I would stick with it. Most of my "resolutions" in the past revolved around my real estate business, so I would just use my business plans to serve that purpose. Now I'm realizing I should probably get some guides or plans set and in writing for 2013, if I really want to see these goals through.

Going back to school the Fall semester of 2012 got me fired up to get back to the things that I once enjoyed, loved and had planned for myself. I'm sure I've mentioned this in the past when I explained about me dropping out of college. I was married at the time and in a violent, unhealthy relationship. In attempt to keep my husband from jumping to conclusions, I hastily hid a note from a male classmate and childhood friend. The note was pretty innocent, "Missed you today. Let's meet for lunch." I should have just thrown it away, but I was in a hurry when I got to my car and just threw it in my jeans pocket.

Later that day, as I laid in bed, I realized the note was still in my pocket. I knew my husband would feel it and take it out to read it and think the worst thing possible, so I took it out and threw it on the side of my bed as soon as he left the room. Days went by and I completely forgot about the note. While cleaning one day, he found it while I was at work and went into a violent rage at my job. I ended up dropping out of school that week to avoid any future problems with him.

Fifteen years later, and a divorce, I went back to school for one class to see how I'd fare. Juggling work, a toddler, two grown children and a life was not easy. I'm afraid to fail if I try to take on more classes and afraid of having to turn business away if I happen to get busy in real estate again. I'm definitely at a crossroads with what I want to do in life this year. I only have a week or two to decide which direction I am going to take, or if I'm going to attempt to do both at the same time. I know I can do whatever I put my mind to, but I'm worried about which aspect of my life is going to suffer in doing so.

That being said, here is what I would like to accomplish in 2013:

1) Take 2 or 3 courses in college this Spring semester. Depending on how I do with succeeding AND completing those courses, take another 2 or 3 for Fall 2013.

2) Change focus in real estate to pursue listings so they are 70% of my yearly business. This means changing my marketing strategies and dedicating time to initiate the new campaigns.

3) Saying "no" and setting boundaries again. I have stopped doing this for a few years because I've felt guilty in putting myself first. What I've found is that I overwhelm myself with trying to please too many other people and I've taken on more than I can handle some days. I also over-book myself and end up running late to everything, which leads to more frustration and stress.

4) Practicing patience, understanding and encouragement when it comes to my kids. I am so focused on helping the person I am in a relationship with that I have lost focus on my kids. The lack of communication with him and the feeling of not having the help I need from him when it comes to juggling a household and dealing with our toddler is too much. When expressing my wishes and expectations as a couple, a family and adults doesn't change anything or even seem like there are attempts to change, that's when I want to throw my hands up and give up. This is taking more time than it's worth to me. My kids need me to provide them a strong foundation, and I will do that alone if I have to. I've done it before and I can do it again. Whether that is ending this relationship, or just disconnecting for the time being.

5) I want to start living for myself again. Again, out of guilt, I have stopped planning, hoping and actually doing some things (like traveling and taking time for myself) because I feel like I don't want to share or ruin these things with a person that cannot or will not truly appreciate the moment/experience. That has only made me unhappy.

6) Enjoy my hobbies/interests. I love reading, writing and taking pictures. I have all these ideas for putting something together and incorporating these things I love doing. I want to get a blog that links up with a Facebook page and Instagram account to all mesh with what I have in mind.

Hmmm... instead of feeling optimistic about all of this, I just feel sad. I guess it's because I know some things are going to have to change in my life and that some people will come out of this with their feelings hurt. To take back some happiness and sanity in my life, this is what I feel I have to do for myself.